FR: Friday 12 April 2008

My first night with the coaching program with the guys from SydneySarge.org. A great success. I was feeling so nervous about going. On the drive into the city I pumped up Fall Out Boy and got my mind into a state where I suspend everything I knew. I wanted to walk in to this night with an open mind. We met at a quite lounge inside one of the hotel's near circular quey. Straight away I could tell that the group of guys in the lounge were PUA boys. It looked like a bootcamp. Introductions were made and then we sat down and chatted. Partway through we swapped seats, so that we could talk with our coaches for the night. My coach, DrLove was the guy who is running the forums. The big cheese. DrLove was not what I expected. But was well dressed and had a very laid back persona. He talked to me and my new wing, Pirate, about what we were going to do tonight, over the next 4 weeks and some general conversation. He kept emphasising that tonight we are just here to have fun. That everyone here was nervous and felt anxiety in approaching. We needed to accept it and work ourselves into a friendly, fun state. Then approach. After what seemed like a long time, we finally started to make a move. We headed to Argyle. Staggering ourselves so that we don't get rejected by having a big group. (Which there were 4 coaches, and 6 guys) I can tell you that I was nervous. My fear was there in force. Luckily not in full force. We go upstairs were we get a drink of water. DrLove tells Pirate and myself to just relax and have fun. We are friendly people trying to get to know new people. With that he tells us to approach. What?! I'm not ready for this. I need to know what the say. But because I don't want to look like a chump, I approach this group of 1 guy and 2 girls with the Oceans opener. It goes okay. But I know its lame. The conversation doesn't go very far after I've exhausted my opener. I get congratulations from my coach for approaching. Feeling good now but still nervous. We move to the other side of bar. Our coach pushes Pirate into a 2 set. He does a great job approaching. We are starting to get momentum. Then DrLove points out another 2 set. I don't hesitate and go again with the Oceans opener. These girls are friendly and very receptive. But I have a moment were I know that the Oceans opener is lame. It really isn't going to get me into a conversation. I come back and my coach asks for feedback. I tell him how the conversation goes. He congratulates me and then tells me that I can't use that opener again tonight. This is hard. I take the opportunity to find out what I can use. He suggest to use a direct opener. The mere thought of this starts bringing back my fear in full force. I start panicking. We move locations again and head down stairs. DrLove pushes Pirate into a set. Then he pushes me into a set but I falter. I can't do it. I didn't know what to say. I walk back disgraced without having aproached. DrLove is cool about it. Tells me not to worry. It just happens. I feel better about it but still the failure is their in my mind. We move inside. Our coaches scopes the area and finds a 4 set for Pirate and a 2 set for me. Pirate makes his approach while I head around to met my set. I falter again with what to say so I use the Oceans opener. These girls are friendly. They try their best but have no clue. I can see again that if I had approached these girls without a canned opener and confidence I could of had a great conversation. After we debrief our coach with how we both do, DrLove gives us some honest criticism. He tells me that with my body language tonight, I could easily walk up to a set and open directly. This starts to sink in. It is at this point that everything starts to go right and wrong (but in the best possible way). DrLove tells us that we need to start winging each other. One of us is to try opening a set. Then on the next set we both go up. After that the other wing goes. He points out a 2set sitting down. "Go". I hesitate for a second and then start moving. As I am walking over, with Pirate in tow, I tell myself that I need to just do it. Try being direct. I'm here to push myself. As I get closer I make eye contact. "Hey guys, I saw you from over there and thought to myself that you look like friendly people. So I decided to come over and be social." My body language is great. My mind is only thinking about being friendly. My speech is slow and audible. The response was incredible. The set flew open up. What the frigg?! We sat down and just starting talking to them. Must of been there for 20 minutes just talking. Our coach and the other coaches see this. They smile with congratulations. Its great. What's more I pushed past my previous achievement. I've made a direct opener approach and have moved past the opener. Partway through I get a text from my coach to "get d number". I start thinking too much at this point and that's when I lose the set. No number. My wing goes for the number and gets blown out. The set leaves to get a drink and we wait for our coach to come back. He congratulates us and gives us feedback. While I am listening, I keep thinking how amazing the direct opener worked. Realisations and light bulbs go off in my head. I can do this. I can walk up to strangers and start a conversation by just being friendly. Wow! A limiting belief is starting to be erased. We chill and start talking about next week, heading out at least once during the week together and making this a routine. Pirate and I number close each other (hehe), where I jokingly tell him that I wish I would of been rejected instead. Well my wish comes through. As Pirate opens a 2 set, my coach tells me to grab a seat and sit next to the other girl. I hesitate. Fear is back again. I grab the seat and slide it beside her. "hi, how are you doing? How is your night going?" I get this blank look from her. Maybe she didn't hear me. Before I can say anything further she says: "I don't speak any English" Now its time for my blank look. I say "okay, you have a great night." I head back to my coach, and tell him about how it went. We both start laughing. I know clearly that I got blown out. Big time. My body language was off and therefore so was the confidence I portrayed. But at the end of it, I can have a laugh about it. We move locations again. Looking for more sets. I still have that fear but am determined. Our coach spots another 2 set sitting down and tells us to go. I take the lead on this. "hey guys, saw you from over there and though that you look friendly. So I decided to come over and be social.... Hi I'm Peter?" This set is a total wipe out. The two girls were not friendly. But they weren't rude. The conversation soon died and I quickly signaled to my wing to leave. Wow, blown out again. Both Pirate and I discuss what happened. I told him that my body language was off and that I felt awkward where I was sitting. He said that I gave it a good try and I did great. So what the frig happened? I'll tell you... something wonderful. I got rejected. Blown out. Experiencing this situation I think helps me realise that its okay to be rejected. That I can walk up to a girl and start a conversation. It may not go well. But that's okay. It was the effort that matters. I can laugh about it later. These 2 blowouts were the best sets of the night. I know that I learnt something more valuable than when I had my successful approach. I can take these rejections and build upon them so that approaching strangers is not big deal. Its what I've been wanting and waiting for. Thank you. Hallelujah. Tonight was a great success. Tomorrow I know that what I achieved tonight will sink in further. I think heading out with these guys again is going to be good. They are a strong close community of guys. Willing to help out others. All they asked for was $20. Their philosophy of only using the forums as a point to setup up meetings is great. They seeme focused on having fun and being friendly. They offered no canned material and expected us to use no canned material. DrLove was great. His laid back approach really helped us. He pushed us into sets but he never demanded that we do so. Through out the night he kept saying these important concepts:

• Have fun.
• Its about body language. Its not what you say, its how you say it. Say anything.
• Start kino as soon as possible. Count it out, touch...1...2...3...let go.
• If it doesn't work out, come back and have a laugh.

Overall I'm extremely happy that I went. It didn't feel like sarging. He felt natural, normal. I was approaching people with no canned material. Being friendly. I walk away learning these 2 major lessons:

• I can successfully open using a direct opener
• That I am okay if I get blown out (the most important one for me)