Becoming Your Destiny

On the weekend I went to a Brahma Kumaris mediation retreat in the Blue Mountains. Beautiful place with very peaceful souls.

 

I went up there to find some stillness from my busy life and learn how to meditate. I can tell you 2 days was simply not enough time for me to completely reach a blissful state. But I did find some practical answers to living my daily life, which I had been seeking for a month now.

 

One concept which really resonated with me in relation to the personal growth that I have been doing is this:

 

“Watch your thoughts because they become your words.

 

Watch your words because they become your actions.

 

Watch your actions because they become your habits.

 

Watch your habits because they become your character.

 

Watch your character because that becomes your DESTINY!”

 

Pretty powerful if you listen carefully to the message behind these words.  

Spend at least one hour every day doing whatever you simply love to do

[Excerpt from David Deida’s The Way Of The Superior Man]

 

Stop Hoping for a Completion

of Anything in Life

 

Most men make the error of thinking that one day it will be done. They think, "If I can work enough, then one day I could rest." Or, "One day my woman will understand something and then she will stop complaining." Or, "I'm only doing this now so that one day I can do what I really want with my life." The masculine error is to think that eventually things will be different in some fundamental way. They won't. It never ends. As long as life continues, the creative challenge is to tussle, play, and make love with the present moment while giving your unique gift

.

It's never going to be over, so stop waiting for the good stuff. As of now, spend a minimum of one hour a day doing whatever you are waiting to do until your finances are more secure, or until the children have grown and left home, or until you have finished your obligations and you feel free to do what you really want to do. Don't wait any longer. Don't believe in the myth of "one day when everything will be different." Do what you love to do, what you are waiting to do, what you've been born to do, now.

 

Spend at least one hour a day doing whatever you simply love to do—what you deeply feel you need to do, in your heart—in spite of the daily duties that seem to constrain you. However, be forewarned: you may discover that you don't, or can't, do it; that, in fact, your fantasy of your future life is simply a fantasy.

Most postponements are excuses for a lack of creative discipline. Limited money and family obligations have never stopped a man who really wanted to do something, although they provide excuses for a man who is not really up to the creative challenge in the first place. Find out today whether you are willing to do what it takes to give your gift fully. As a first step, spend at least an hour today giving your fullest gift, whatever that is for today, so that when you go to sleep at night you know you couldn't have lived your day with more courage, creativity, and giving.

 

In addition to the myth that one day your life will be fundamentally different, you may believe, and hope, that one day your woman will be fundamentally different. Don't wait. Assume she's going to be however she is, forever. If your woman's behavior or mood is truly intolerable to you, you should leave her, and don't look back (since you cannot change her). However, if you find her behavior or mood is merely distasteful or a hassle, realize that she will always seem this way: The feminine always seems chaotic and complicated from the perspective of the masculine.

 

The next time you notice yourself trying to fix your woman so that she will no longer (fill in the blank), relax and give her love by touching her and telling her that you love her when she is this way (whatever you filled in the blank with). Embrace her, or wrestle with her, or scream and yell for the heck of it, but make no effort to bring an end to that which pisses you off. Practice love instead of trying to bring an end to the quality that bothers you. You can't escape the tussle with the feminine. Learn to find humor in the unending emotional drama the feminine seems to enjoy so much. The love that you magnify may realign her behavior, but your effort to fix her and your frustration never will.

 

The world and your woman will always present you with unforeseen challenges. You are either living fully, giving your gift in the midst of those challenges, even today, or you are waiting for an imaginary future which will never come. Men who have lived significant lives are men who never waited: not for money, security, ease, or women. Feel what you want to give most as a gift, to your woman and to the world, and do what you can to give it today. Every moment waited is a moment wasted, and each wasted moment degrades your clarity of purpose.

 

 

FR: Friday 18 April 2008

Tonight I let fear take a hold of me.

 

I haven't worked out yet exactly why it happened. I struggled all night getting the confidence to walk up and say anything.

 

And my results for the night show this quite clearly.

 

After spending an hour letting the fear get the best of me, I head over to DrLove for some help. I know that he will push into sets and hope that this get the momentum going.

 

And he does.

 

By the end of the night I get in 4 approaches.

 

The first one was a blow out. I used the same successful direct opener from last week, but it totally bombed. This was due to my body language. I walked up conveying a neediness.

 

The next approach, was a bit better but my voice was shaky. They were very nice but they just wanted to chat with each other. "Please meeting you, have a good night"

 

Just before my 3rd set, my wing Pirate relates a story of when he struggled while out at the Opera Bar. To get into state he started to ask people for the time. Using this I do the same to get me into a more approachable state.

 

The 3rd approach was a success. "Hey, I'm just about to head home and was wondering if I could borrow your scarf?" Credit to Pirate for this opener as he was coming up with some great situational openers during the night.

 

The Japanese girl I approached was very friendly. Before I know it, she takes her scarf and puts it around my neck. This is great. We start chatting. A little while in I start panicking about how to keep the conversation going so I signal for my wing Pirate to come in.

 

After a little bit of chit chat, I take the girl I approached, outside for a smoke, and Pirate takes the other girl upstairs for a dance. While outside chatting I realise that communicating with this Japanese girl is going to be challenging because of the language barrier. I make a big effort to push the conversation whenever I think its going to stall.

 

I found my wing Pirate on the dance floor. We stayed for a while and then leave to get more practice in.

 

My 4th approach was another blow out. I walked up and said "You guys looked bored!" As the words are out of my head I can hear how lame they are. I'm just another chode trying to met these girls. I get successfully blown out.

 

Sticking Points

 

• Letting fear get the best of me.

• Body language and voice mirrored my lack of confidence.

 

Lessons Learnt

 

• The body shows quite clearly how I feel inside. Feel confident and it will show.

• Need to develop a process to build up my confidence before heading out.

• Open a set as soon as I walk in.

• I can't walk up and say "You guys looked bored!" as an opener. Its lame.

 

Good Points

 

• I asked for help when I needed it.

• Got another 3 rejections.

 

Goals To Improve

 

• Spend time working on my inner game.

• Open a set as soon as I walk into a place.

• Find a conversational piece.

• Practice observation skills

 

 

 

 

FR: Friday 12 April 2008

My first night with the coaching program with the guys from SydneySarge.org. A great success. I was feeling so nervous about going. On the drive into the city I pumped up Fall Out Boy and got my mind into a state where I suspend everything I knew. I wanted to walk in to this night with an open mind. We met at a quite lounge inside one of the hotel's near circular quey. Straight away I could tell that the group of guys in the lounge were PUA boys. It looked like a bootcamp. Introductions were made and then we sat down and chatted. Partway through we swapped seats, so that we could talk with our coaches for the night. My coach, DrLove was the guy who is running the forums. The big cheese. DrLove was not what I expected. But was well dressed and had a very laid back persona. He talked to me and my new wing, Pirate, about what we were going to do tonight, over the next 4 weeks and some general conversation. He kept emphasising that tonight we are just here to have fun. That everyone here was nervous and felt anxiety in approaching. We needed to accept it and work ourselves into a friendly, fun state. Then approach. After what seemed like a long time, we finally started to make a move. We headed to Argyle. Staggering ourselves so that we don't get rejected by having a big group. (Which there were 4 coaches, and 6 guys) I can tell you that I was nervous. My fear was there in force. Luckily not in full force. We go upstairs were we get a drink of water. DrLove tells Pirate and myself to just relax and have fun. We are friendly people trying to get to know new people. With that he tells us to approach. What?! I'm not ready for this. I need to know what the say. But because I don't want to look like a chump, I approach this group of 1 guy and 2 girls with the Oceans opener. It goes okay. But I know its lame. The conversation doesn't go very far after I've exhausted my opener. I get congratulations from my coach for approaching. Feeling good now but still nervous. We move to the other side of bar. Our coach pushes Pirate into a 2 set. He does a great job approaching. We are starting to get momentum. Then DrLove points out another 2 set. I don't hesitate and go again with the Oceans opener. These girls are friendly and very receptive. But I have a moment were I know that the Oceans opener is lame. It really isn't going to get me into a conversation. I come back and my coach asks for feedback. I tell him how the conversation goes. He congratulates me and then tells me that I can't use that opener again tonight. This is hard. I take the opportunity to find out what I can use. He suggest to use a direct opener. The mere thought of this starts bringing back my fear in full force. I start panicking. We move locations again and head down stairs. DrLove pushes Pirate into a set. Then he pushes me into a set but I falter. I can't do it. I didn't know what to say. I walk back disgraced without having aproached. DrLove is cool about it. Tells me not to worry. It just happens. I feel better about it but still the failure is their in my mind. We move inside. Our coaches scopes the area and finds a 4 set for Pirate and a 2 set for me. Pirate makes his approach while I head around to met my set. I falter again with what to say so I use the Oceans opener. These girls are friendly. They try their best but have no clue. I can see again that if I had approached these girls without a canned opener and confidence I could of had a great conversation. After we debrief our coach with how we both do, DrLove gives us some honest criticism. He tells me that with my body language tonight, I could easily walk up to a set and open directly. This starts to sink in. It is at this point that everything starts to go right and wrong (but in the best possible way). DrLove tells us that we need to start winging each other. One of us is to try opening a set. Then on the next set we both go up. After that the other wing goes. He points out a 2set sitting down. "Go". I hesitate for a second and then start moving. As I am walking over, with Pirate in tow, I tell myself that I need to just do it. Try being direct. I'm here to push myself. As I get closer I make eye contact. "Hey guys, I saw you from over there and thought to myself that you look like friendly people. So I decided to come over and be social." My body language is great. My mind is only thinking about being friendly. My speech is slow and audible. The response was incredible. The set flew open up. What the frigg?! We sat down and just starting talking to them. Must of been there for 20 minutes just talking. Our coach and the other coaches see this. They smile with congratulations. Its great. What's more I pushed past my previous achievement. I've made a direct opener approach and have moved past the opener. Partway through I get a text from my coach to "get d number". I start thinking too much at this point and that's when I lose the set. No number. My wing goes for the number and gets blown out. The set leaves to get a drink and we wait for our coach to come back. He congratulates us and gives us feedback. While I am listening, I keep thinking how amazing the direct opener worked. Realisations and light bulbs go off in my head. I can do this. I can walk up to strangers and start a conversation by just being friendly. Wow! A limiting belief is starting to be erased. We chill and start talking about next week, heading out at least once during the week together and making this a routine. Pirate and I number close each other (hehe), where I jokingly tell him that I wish I would of been rejected instead. Well my wish comes through. As Pirate opens a 2 set, my coach tells me to grab a seat and sit next to the other girl. I hesitate. Fear is back again. I grab the seat and slide it beside her. "hi, how are you doing? How is your night going?" I get this blank look from her. Maybe she didn't hear me. Before I can say anything further she says: "I don't speak any English" Now its time for my blank look. I say "okay, you have a great night." I head back to my coach, and tell him about how it went. We both start laughing. I know clearly that I got blown out. Big time. My body language was off and therefore so was the confidence I portrayed. But at the end of it, I can have a laugh about it. We move locations again. Looking for more sets. I still have that fear but am determined. Our coach spots another 2 set sitting down and tells us to go. I take the lead on this. "hey guys, saw you from over there and though that you look friendly. So I decided to come over and be social.... Hi I'm Peter?" This set is a total wipe out. The two girls were not friendly. But they weren't rude. The conversation soon died and I quickly signaled to my wing to leave. Wow, blown out again. Both Pirate and I discuss what happened. I told him that my body language was off and that I felt awkward where I was sitting. He said that I gave it a good try and I did great. So what the frig happened? I'll tell you... something wonderful. I got rejected. Blown out. Experiencing this situation I think helps me realise that its okay to be rejected. That I can walk up to a girl and start a conversation. It may not go well. But that's okay. It was the effort that matters. I can laugh about it later. These 2 blowouts were the best sets of the night. I know that I learnt something more valuable than when I had my successful approach. I can take these rejections and build upon them so that approaching strangers is not big deal. Its what I've been wanting and waiting for. Thank you. Hallelujah. Tonight was a great success. Tomorrow I know that what I achieved tonight will sink in further. I think heading out with these guys again is going to be good. They are a strong close community of guys. Willing to help out others. All they asked for was $20. Their philosophy of only using the forums as a point to setup up meetings is great. They seeme focused on having fun and being friendly. They offered no canned material and expected us to use no canned material. DrLove was great. His laid back approach really helped us. He pushed us into sets but he never demanded that we do so. Through out the night he kept saying these important concepts:

• Have fun.
• Its about body language. Its not what you say, its how you say it. Say anything.
• Start kino as soon as possible. Count it out, touch...1...2...3...let go.
• If it doesn't work out, come back and have a laugh.

Overall I'm extremely happy that I went. It didn't feel like sarging. He felt natural, normal. I was approaching people with no canned material. Being friendly. I walk away learning these 2 major lessons:

• I can successfully open using a direct opener
• That I am okay if I get blown out (the most important one for me)

Sat: Dancing with HBFlower

I'm writing this in retrospective. Because I can't get this girl out of my head.

 

So on Sat I went to a club with HBFlower. Just the two of us.

 

Had a really great time. So did she.

 

We spent most of the night talking. Getting to know each other. Occasionally we got up to dance when the DJ played some good music.

 

I learnt a lot about her and now I can't get her out of my head. I think she is amazing.

 

For the last 2 weeks we have been texting and chatting on the phone. I know there is interest there. She has even asked a female friend of mine what the status of our relationship was. I mean she came out with me on Sat by herself.

 

During the week I spent time defining the type of girl I am after. Well... she hits every single one. Oh except whether she can cook. I haven't asked her about that yet.

 

We also talked about what she was looking for in a guy. The funny thing is that every quality she mentioned, I am.

 

But she is not like the girls I am normally attracted too. She confesses to be shy, which I can see and I can tell she is a good girl. Not the type of girl I used to. I've normally dated the naughty but nice girls. Girls with a bit of an edge. This girl seems so good natured. And for some reason I find this attractive.

 

During the night we talked about whether we were single and available. There was some tension here, which I think was good. But I was a little bit nervous and really didn't go anywhere with it.

 

So now its been 3 days and I can't get her out of my head. I'm starting to fall back into my old self. Where I'm anxious and worried about saying or doing the wrong thing. Hopefully by writing this down I can get a better grip of things.

 

Valentine's day is this week and I should use this to my advantage. She'll be in my class Thur night which is a perfect opportunity to be proactive.

 

Next action I am going to take is:

 

• Use kino to build some more comfort. In retrospect, I used very little touching while we talked.  Probably because I was a little bit nervous. But I guess the dancing was enough.

• Ask her for a Valentine's kiss (said with a cheeky smile). Of course I'm just asking for a peck on the cheek but will use the ambiguity to have some fun.

• Make a statement of interest.

 

The last one is the most critical. I have to let her know in some way that I'm clearly interested in her. I don't know how I'm going to do this exactly yet. I remember my ex approaching the subject by making the statement:

 

"There is definitely something there between us. I just had to say it because I don't know what to do about it."

 

I was thinking about using this. But with a more authoritative voice.

 

??

 

As I've never dated someone like her, I'm not sure the best way to proceed with this statement.  But I'll find out.

 

Be good.

Cas

 

Week 5: Goals

1.       Learn how to qualify

2.       Qualify 1 of the girls I’m interested in

3.       Learn how to escalate kino

4.       Practice escalating kino on 1 girl

5.       Write up self-image change

6.       Find the birthdays of 2 service industry workers

7.       Listen to CD 2 of David Wygant

Week 4 Result

Interesting week.

 

I managed to:

 

1.       Get my first phone number for the year

2.       Invite said girl out

3.       Entertain 2 girls I am interested in at the same time

4.       Decide and pursue 3 girls

5.       Have no residual effect from bumping into my ex

6.       Listen to David Wygant

7.       Read another chapter of Psycho-Cybernetics

8.       Compliment 1 girl

9.       Found something to do during the long weekend

 

I’m not sure if seeing my ex again has put some fire in my pants, but I’m starting to be more proactive and decisive in my dating life. I have 3 different girls I’m actively pursueing. For each one I’m been thinking about my next move and taking action to make it happen. Some of the things I’ve tried have been hit and miss. But I guess it’s just about learning.

 

My sticking point at the moment is creating the opportunity to get us alone and then escalate to a kino.

Mid-Week Update

Last night I got my first phone number for the year. And it was easier than I thought.

 

I started by seeding the idea for heading out for a dance on weekends. Then asked if she was interested in going. “Yeah, of course.....”. She told me to give her a call and I replied with “I would but I don’t have your details.” With that she pulled out some paper and a pen to give me her number.

 

When I got home I proudly put that piece of paper with my other phone number achievements.

 

Next action is to call her (no texting) later on today and seeing if she wants to head out over the weekend.

 

;p

Week 4: Goals

Review Last Week:

 

Last week I managed to complete the SLA Mission “Disagree With Someone”. Also, each day I talked to at least 1 woman.

 

 

Goals

 

·         Give five women spontaneous compliments

·         Give five women I know a compliment

·         Set up a date with a girl I met last Friday, but didn’t get a chance to develop anything over the weekend

·         Listen to David Wygant

·         Read another chapter of Pyscho Cybernetics

·         Find an event for long weekend to do

 

FR: Trouble's Birthday

Last night I got dressed to impress. I put on my freshly cleaned suit, my newly acquired high quality shirt, polished my shoes and put on my best cologne. I was looking and then feeling like a million bucks.

Plans had been made to celebrate my intended target's birthday, at a fancy restaurant. So I decided to treat myself. I had advanced my been made permenant at work with a significant boost in my career. Simply, I wanted to enjoy my new status.

Especially as I had made the decision to escalate things with the birthday girl or possibly her friend.

All night I was confident. I was being charming and flirty.

After dinner I stayed with the group to another high class venue. But my plans all dissolved when we got there. I was catching up with other friends there so I headed over to say hi.

As I got closer I say my ex-girlfriend was sitting at the table.

The same ex who was the catalyst for where I am right now.

I ignored her at first. Trying to concentrate on greeting my friends. Which gave me time to work out how I was going to handle this.

And I then decided that I was NOT going to let it spoil my night.

Smiling I took the higher road and said "Hi, how are you doing?" I continued on with my conversation a little bit more before finding my friend and grabbing a drink.

At the bar my friend, HBGemini kind of apologised for ambushing me. In retrospect, I should of been annoyed. But at the time I was concentrating on how I was going to handle this situation. Which was be myself.

So as I came back from the bar I head over to another friend to talk. She knows about my ex so we had a brief talk about that and then just goofed around.

We had a great conversation. I had my arm around her, laughing and just being me. I was concerned at several times that displaying such affection would be mis constued as if I was trying to impress my ex. But I asked myself "was I? ", but the truth was I was just being congruent with who I am now.

Apparently, my ex saw this and started bitching to HBGemini. But to the wrong person. Which is funny because I know that my ex was looking forward to having a good bitch. But was stopped when she found out that said girl I had my arm around was a good friend of HBGemini.

After a little while HBGemini comes over. Trying to break up the supposedly cozy thing I had going. It worked. Because I think I sensed what was going on. Not that I consciously knew at that point.

We get kicked out not long after arriving. Heading outside to say goodbyes and organise what we were doing next.

I stand there in the group working out how I can make my move on the intended target's for the night. I'm still feeling confident and a million bucks. Especially when I'm complimented by the girls and guys.

We are chatting away and I feel this tug on the back of my suit. Its my ex getting my attention.

She knows I'm not going to make any effort to talk to her. Because she (1) didn't make any effort to be my friend when we split and (2) she is not a person I simply want to converse with.

I be polite and talk to her. I was in my usual great state which I didn't want to lose.

We chat. She asks me how I am doing. I tell her great. I treat her someone in the group who I have just met. Rather than my ex. But make sure I don't brag. Instead let her lead the conversation and answer her questions with honesty.

She has had a bit to drink. Her conversation goes through a loop. Meaning that she tells me the same stuff twice. I laugh at this quietly to myself and carefully work out how much information I am going to share.

Its hard to say what I felt at this point. When I think of her, there is a lot things I would like to say. As you do, wanting to end up in a better position.

But it felt great knowing that I was at my best last night. And that she saw it.

Revenge! A bittersweet victory.

Last time I saw her, I was at a bad place. I just gotten back from Puerto Rico, injury prone, run ragged with my performance group, unkept and emotional crippled. At the time I was wrestling with joining the Stylelife Academy and the social arts.

At the time, I really didn't want her to see me in that state.

Last night she got to see me at my best. Even better than when we went out. Which is funny because it was a year ago that she saw me. One year and even though I don't think I had progressed as well as I wanted, I've come a long fucking way.

So I chat with her as we are walking to the next venue. When the opportunity arises I start talking with my friends again. I make the decision to ignore that fact she is there and be myself.

At the next bar I had fun. Dancing with all the girls. Flirting, teasing, being my confident self.

I take a few moments at times to sit and reflect. Mainly because I'm sweaty from dancing and having fun.

I thought of how I am comfortable being there. Sitting in a club with my friends. Something I've not been at ease with.

Everyone has a phobia. I remember my ex's phobia of spiders. So bad that just the mention or thought of a spiders freaks her out. Mine was being in a loud, crowded venue or event. Basically any situation with groups of people.

This has plagued me for years. Even before 2 months ago its was a slight problem.

Sitting there I realised that I am totally comfortable. I have my friends and having a great time.

I've come along way. And I am proud of that achievement.

My only regret about last night is that I didn't step up my game as I had originally planned. I wanted to make a "call to action" on the birthday girl and one of her friends that I met on Friday. I wanted to take that risk. I was prepared and very determined before heading out my door for the night. I find both girls attractive and I should be acting on those feelings.

I chalked it up to my ex being there. But I realised that is not true. I simply don't know what to do. Making a move on a girl I like in a club is not something I've done. In the past it is the girl that makes the move.

So my next action is to work on isolating. I thought about this on the way home. Reason I didn't make a move was because everyone was there. If I create the situation where its just the two of use, then I'm sure the rest will follow.

Next time I am going to practice isolating my interest which will I think help to escalate things. Take the girl to a discreet place we can enjoy the risk.

Having said that, my major step forward was being quicker to respond to my desires. I usually wait for ages before making a decision but last night I wanted to make things happen. I remember staring in one of the girls last night and having desires to to kiss her. With no concerns for the consquences.